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I was 18 or 19 years old when I discovered the aphorism written by Robert Fripp inside a Kind Crimson album sleeve: “Discipline is never an end in itself, only a means to an end”. I have been chewing on that one ever since, though in more recent years have I really begun to understand it. Fripp was into Gurdjieffian philosophy, an early 20th century spiritual teacher who taught that most of us are living our lives in a kind of hypnotic, waking sleep.
I return to this aphorism whenever I assert what must be done in a moment that I could easily choose to avoid it. I am hard on myself, this much I have always been told. But the same is true that I have not been hard enough, and this I have been told as well, by those who know the obstacles I put between myself and my dreams. The inner voice has been a dictator, but over time it’s become a conversation.

This has been reflected in all of my relationships in the form of power exchange.
Over time, I soften in surrender to the Love I actively give to myself, and that has transformed my external life experiences.

Sometimes it must be tough love, and learning how to calibrate that balance is the art of living.

The fragility of the human heart is not something I have always known how to navigate, but that is what we’re here to learn in all this doing. Balance is what I’m after; equal parts give and take. Do not dish it out unless you are willing to take it.

I am the mission.
And so are you.
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Handmade sacred heart of clay, retired ball gag, handmade whip, pins, wire, chiffon, handmade frame.

2020
☉